Oh hey so to catch you up from a few months ago, I ended up winning that contest. :D
Safe to say I'm still on a high from that night for all of the new friends it introduced and performance opportunities it opened up for me.
I'll tell you what, some of the things I'm most proud of creatively these past few months have come to fruition just because I decided to accept my limits and Nike. Just do it already.
If my call as an artist is to make the case for having children, I'll add an appreciation of time to my supporting evidence.
I maybe have an hour to record while the girls are napping? Que sera, sera.
The drummer has never heard my song and we're about to perform it together for an audience? What comes out is what will be served.
I wrote a paper in college about how the censorship of the Brazilian military dictatorship against its citizens in the late 60s actually produced some of the most interesting sounds and poetry because people had to get more creative set against rigid limitations. I think the same principle is present even when you have cute little dictators running around...
In September when I sent in my audition video for the contest (you can still watch it, here) I felt I only had about 15% capacity of my voice left from pregnancy.
My practice sessions at home during those months usually ended in me being extremely frustrated and down on myself for having lost endurance, range, and tone from the physical process of pregnancy. I still felt like a hollowed out avocado even after 6 months.
With the deadline looming just days after I learned about the contest, I had maybe a day to deliberate internally about whether I was willing to accept being judged on my musicality according to a body that was still in physical recovery.
That was just pride talking though, I realized. My favorite voices reflect the depth of the whole person, not their ability to flawlessly hit a riff or high C.
So I made the most of a naptime to record the submission video and when they woke up an hour later that was a wrap! shruuuugs
As an aside, I booked a lesson with Jane Monheit after being accepted into the top 5 and hearing from another mom musician was medicinal. Jane has a phenomenal voice and impeccable ear, and knowing how she rolled with the challenges of motherhood to make it work for her and to accept herself for whatever came out from was refreshing and inspiring.
So again, if they're reading this, thanks to the folks at the Zeiders for putting on the Proteus, I've been so blessed by that one day.
And to anyone who is constipated by perfectionism - JUST GO ALREADY. It is waaay fuller living to accept that you're human and throw things at the wall than take yourself so divinely seriously that you're never willing to make bad art.